Seriously! Seriously!!!!!!

Yes this will turn into a rant. I know no one every promised me life would be easy...and no one sure as hell ever promised that parenting would be easy. Today is one of those days...I wish it wasn't just me...I wish I didn't have to make the decisions. I wish I didn't HAVE to be the bad guy. I wish my son wasn't hurting as much as he is...and I wish he didn't know that I want to give him everything he wants in the hopes that maybe it will help him stop hurting.
Part of his issue is my fault I told him I would go on his field trip with him. This morning I woke up with a massive headache that was making nauseous. So i told him, I would go but I would go later. That wasn't good enough for him. So the tears started. He got calmed down when we got into school I told him I would be back when I felt better. So i called to check up on him and they said he was doing fine. About 10 minutes later they called and said I needed to come get him he wasn't going to make it. So I went up there...the kid openly admitted to me that he was throwing a fit cause he wanted his way. When I asked him if he was his kid and acted this way would he let his kid go. His reply was "no, but I am your kid." Well there was my answer. As much as it broke my heart I told hime no he wasn't going.
So now I am at home with him while he throws a fit. He's really trying for the shock factor...he's trying so hard. I have to admire his tenacity.
He ran away... so I let him go and told him I loved him. He ran down the driveway...and he made it about a mile or two down the road. I went and got the dog under the auspices that he needed to have the dog with him for protection...but in truth I needed to be there for him. He came home once the mail lady came through...
So I am blogging...maybe one day he'll read this and understand that I want him to go on his field trip now probably as bad as he wants to go. It's all I can do not to get up and take him...but being the good parent not the liked parent...I know I can't....ugh I hate having to dig my heals in...but they are dug...