this is somewhere I never expected to be.

So I am a single mom. A divorced woman. A year ago if some little fortune teller had told me this is where I would be in a year...I would have laughed, I would have told that fortune teller to get a new job, because they were crazy. But here I am. My whole life turned upside down. I have made it out on the other side. I can't say I have made it unscathed, but I have made it. Well so far.
Now starts the daunting task of raising my children alone, and not losing myself in the process. I am already exhausted. My kids are great, yet their world has been turned upside down too. So they are adjusting. I was never a decision maker, now the decisions are all mine. There is something exciting and VERY scary about that. I have spent 12 years kind of living someone elses dream. Now it's my time... and I have no idea what it is that I want. There are things that spike my interest. But the idea of doing them scares me. There are things that I know God expects out of me, but right now my faith is severely lacking...so I'm a little lost.
As scared as I am... and as dark as I feel right now, there are things I know about me that gives me hope. I am a survivor. Somehow when things really suck, it takes a long time but I find my way out and usually come out better. I am a fighter....when I have to be. It takes alot but I can fight if I need to. Usually when it has to do with my kids...I have a very strong mama bear in me. Most importantly God has plans for me. Some of those has come to fruition, but I have to believe that he has more, better plans for me. He gave me Jeremiah 29:11 years and years ago at a very dark time in my life...and I still cling to that today. "for I know the plans I have for you, says the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." So I am waiting, for those plans...waiting til life is a little sunnier, and trying to make happy moments where I can.